Conversations can change the brain by increasing the production of hormones and neurotransmitters that stimulate both nerve pathways and body systems. As we communicate, our brains trigger a neurochemical cocktail that makes us feel either good or bad, and we translate that inner experience into words, sentences, and stories. “Feel good” conversations trigger higher levels of dopamine, oxytocin, endorphins, and other biochemicals that give us a sense of well-being.

Conversational intelligence (C-IQ) gives us the power to influence our neurochemistry and the neurochemistry of those with whom we converse. Conversations have the power to regulate how we feel every day. They can change our perspective and redefine our perception of how we see the world and ourselves in it. One way to improve conversations is to engage in “big talk” rather than just “small talk.”

We are all familiar with small talk, which involves chatting about the weather, our weekend plans, restaurants we would recommend, etc. Big talk refers to engaging in deeper, more meaningful conversations. It involves asking open-ended questions, actively listening, and exploring personal experiences and perspectives. This can lead to stronger relationships and increased empathy. The goal is to seek to understand the meaning and intent behind the other person’s words to encourage more purposeful exchanges.

Big talk strives to discuss meaningful subjects that may require self-reflection and result in a deeper understanding of the other person. In a senior living setting, big talk can help residents foster belonging, combat loneliness, promote curiosity and empathy, and build community. Such communities can encourage big talk in classes and/or in the dining room, perhaps putting cards with some of the questions on each table.

Big talk is characterized by:

• Delvinginto topics like personal values, dreams, fears, and experiences.
• Active listening, which requires not just hearing the words, but also understanding the meaning and intent behind them. 
• Making meaningful connections by sharing vulnerabilities (regrets, concerns).

General guidelines for big talk:

• Ask open-ended questions, not questions that only elicit a “yes” or “no” response. Ask questions that prompt the sharing of personal experiences, thoughts, and emotions.
• Try not to pry and be mindful of respecting boundaries. Be considerate of the other person’s comfort levels and patient while encouraging someone to open up.
• Share your personal experiences, which can help create a deeper connection and encourage the other person to do the same.
• Remain present; give the conversation your full attention and avoid distractions.
• Take it slow by starting with lighter topics, especially with people you do not know well.

Some examples of big talk questions that can encourage deeper discussions:

• What is one thing you’ve always wanted to do but haven’t yet? What’s holding you back?
• What advice would you give to your younger self?
• What do you think is the most important lesson you’ve learned in life so far?
• When are you happiest?
• If you could have a conversation with anyone, living or dead, who would it be and why?
• What are five things you’re thankful for?
• Think of relatives who are no longer with you. What do you wish you could say to them or do together?
• What do you want to do before you die? How do you want to be remembered?
• If you could host a party with an unlimited budget, what and who would you include?
• If you could do three things to be fulfilled this year, what would they be?
• What’s your favorite memory from childhood?
• What’s your biggest achievement?
• What are you curious about lately?
• What do you think about…? or How do you feel about…?

References:

More than a decade ago, Kalina Silverman started Big Talk to tackle feelings of loneliness and disconnection. Today, Big Talk has grown into a global movement, inspiring individuals, couples, families, friends, workplaces, governments, non-profits, and communities to build deeper connections and stronger relationships.   https://www.makebigtalk.com/

Resources:

Big Talk Questions App from Google Store or App Store

The Original Big Talk Question Card Game – Travel Size

Big Talk Question Card Game – Tabletop Size